Functionally Frozen Parenting

By Dylan J. England | Health, Fitness & Development Coach

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Being a working parent putting in a minimum of 80+ hours per week in addition to:

Spending time with my family and joining in life’s adventures
prioritizing my own health physically and mentally
Maintaining a house and cleaning
Cooking, meal prep and groceries
Managing finances whether that’s being sure all of our bills are paid, managing investments and keep up with investing strategies.
Keeping up with ongoing learning and personal development
and much much more

‘Wait… what was I doing again?’

If you’ve ever caught yourself asking, ‘Wait… what was I doing again?’ or felt so overwhelmed you can’t even think about the next step… you’re not alone. Many parents and busy adults live in a state of “functional freeze”—just reacting to the day, keeping kids alive and healthy, making appointments, and tackling the bare minimum to get by.

If you’ve been feeling numb—going through the motions without real joy or satisfaction—it’s worth paying attention. Our fight-or-flight response is great for keeping us moving when life gets tough, but staying in that ‘auto-pilot’ mode for too long robs us of intentionality, reflection, and perspective. It keeps us busy, but not fulfilled. The first step to breaking this loop is shifting from constantly putting out fires to preventing them in the first place—creating space to think, act with purpose, and live with more meaning.

There are many ways functionally freezing can reveal itself in many ways:

Lack of emotion and enjoyment with activities
Emotionally withdrawing from daily adventures with our family
Paralysis and the inability to keep up with obligations
Lack spontaneity and flexibility
Feeling overwhelmed without understanding why or with clear depiction of why

Check in with your self:

Do I avoid certain tasks—not because I’m too busy—but because I feel stuck or frozen?
When I have downtime, do I struggle to truly relax or feel present? Do I zone out instead of feeling refreshed or engaged?
Do I feel emotionally distant, even when I’m with the people I love most?
Am I doing what’s necessary as a parent but feel like I’m on auto-pilot, just going through the motions, or stuck in survival mode?
Do I find it easier to say “yes” or let things slide rather than set boundaries or stick to my parenting plans?
Have I stepped away from hobbies or activities that once brought me joy and connection?

If you answered “yes” to several of these, you might be experiencing functional freeze—and it may be worth exploring what’s going on beneath the surface.

Why is it important to check in with yourself?

Family members share fewer emotions or keep their feelings bottled up
Children may start hiding or ignoring their own emotions
Interactions become more about getting things done than truly connecting
Spouses may feel a growing emotional gap between them
The family might still “function” day to day, but everyone feels more and more alone

How to break free from the frozen chains:

Self-Compassion – Functional freeze is your brain’s way of trying to protect you. Recognizing this is the first step. Acknowledging this allows you to make intentional decisions that better serve you. In turn better serving those around you.

Reconnect with Your Body – Slow down, notice your breath. Redirect your thought process. Get moving like stretching, or walking without stimulation like our phones.

Do One Thing at a Time – Avoid multitasking. Choosing to participate in one activity at a time. Despite our ability to jump tasks, multitasking tends to be un-serving to our attention span and nervous system.
Create Supportive Routines – Build predictable, flexible rhythms like a morning walk, evening tea, or daily journaling to bring safety and structure. As well as creating a system in our schedule that makes things more predictable.

Nourish Your Body – Choose more nourishing foods: Adding in more complex carbs, higher fiber veggies, and add higher protein options to stabilize mood and energy.

Engage Your Senses – Use calming sounds, textures, scents, or warm baths to gently stimulate awareness. Make it playful with your kids. I’ll often listen to calming music during bubble baths or while reading to my daughter. Those become joyful moments appreciating each other’s presence.

Rediscover Joy – Schedule small moments of play, creativity, or rest. Productivity isn’t the only measure of a day well spent and this is something I need to remind myself of as I watch my daughter getting older each day.

Get Fresh Air – Time outdoors supports emotional clarity and healthy sleep rhythms. There’s actual research on getting out doors and mood/stress management.

Reflect & Understand – Journal when you feel frozen to uncover patterns and needs. We are terrible at self-assessing; get real and begin writing down thoughts and patterns to better address where we are in relation to where we want to be.

Invest in Relationships – Even brief, genuine conversations with trusted friends or partners can help you feel grounded again. Getting vulnerable can be challenging, especially if our spouse unintentionally misinterprets what we’re trying to do. Ultimately it comes down to communication which is a “two way street” and is never unilateral.

While parenting comes with its share of unrealistic expectations, living in a constant state of numbness and disconnection doesn’t have to be one of them. You deserve to feel joy, connection, and true satisfaction—and the good news is, functional freeze is not permanent.

With awareness and small, intentional steps, you can move toward a more present and fulfilling life.

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Ready for a coach who can help you sharpen these habits for life?
Check out my coaching program at www.dylanjengland.com. Let’s build the foundation for your best life—together.

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